Trying To Get To You

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

A Fake Lefsetz Letter On Springsteen And Bonnaroo

I wrote this, not Bob Lefsetz. But given all his absurd Springsteen bashing, I figured I'd give him a break and write his next piece for him.

I promised myself I wouldn't write about Springsteen anymore for a while, but did you see that he's now playing Bonnaroo? Can you say DESPERATE?

Bruce doesn't sell tickets like he used to, and touring behind an album THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE ABOUT, now he's going to play to a bunch of HIPPIES? Bruce doesn't even do drugs! I guess because his own audience just doesn't care like it used to, he and Landau think they have to find a new audience. Don't they know that the typical Bonnaroo fan doesn't CARE ABOUT HIM AND ARE JUST THERE TO SEE PHISH?! Oh sure, there will be a few curiosity seekers, coming to see what the "legend" is all about. But they don't want SCHTICK! The Bonnaroo audience only cares if you can PLAY, and while the band could play when I first saw them in 1974, they haven't played like that in YEARS! They don't care about knee slides at Bonarroo - they want PASSION, not empty GESTURES! This is sad. Are legends so craven, their lives so empty without the crowd that they'll stoop to play in front of anyone?

And speaking of craven, while I respect the empire Coran Capshaw has built, this is a textbook example of IGNORING WHAT YOUR AUDIENCE WANTS! Bonnaroo was built on jam band principles - people who can play and improvise. The Bonnaroo fan HATES big stars. The BEASTIE BOYS??? Can you even NAME ONE SONG they've done since "Sabotage?" And don't tell me about how influential Paul's Boutique is! Can you sing one song from it? THEY'RE DONE! And then they're trying to get the Pitchfork crowd too, with a slew of indie bands that NO ONE is going to remember five, let alone ten years from now. Is EVERYTHING just about following the dollar instead of staying true to your principles??? Is it just about REELING IN BIG NAMES so you'll have a great day of publicity??? Is there any INTEGRITY anymore?


This crap writes itself. Oy.

9 comments:

Matt Ostrower said...

F-in Brilliant!

KG said...

After reading a nonsensical story he wrote about seeing Def Leppard (recently) and how supremely awesome they were, Lefsetz lost all legitimacy in my eyes. I've had the misfortune of seeing Def Leppard recently. The only thing awesome about them is how awesomely bad they are. And I will freely admit that I love Pyromania and Hysteria. But to call Def Leppard vibrant and Springsteen irrelevant? Pure silliness...

Todd Steinhilber said...

Love it. Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

My lawyer will be in touch-wait, I am a lawyer or at least pretend to be one and why am I not practising law? Oh, that's right because I love to ski and I can make a ton of money kissing Irving Azoff's ass. No wait, I didn't mean that. What I meant was hey, it's all about my cred and plugging really really expensive home stereo systems that no one can afford and yo how about my Beemer and what makes you think that I'm a pompous nouveau riche wannabe? I saw (fill in the blank name of band) before anyone else did and played their record in my dopey dorm room- Wait, you're right, Ben, this crap just writes itself-- if that's what you call writing. Thanks for hitting the nail on it's stupid head.
mrv

mfbucket said...

what kind of crazy fucked up world do we live in where his own readers can authentically create his content for themselves? It's the democratization of Lefsetz!

Meredith said...

Love it. Don Henley and Glenn Frey at Bonaroo! Now that would be TRANSFORMATIONAL! Maybe they can pull out some awesome outtakes from BUILDING THE PERFECT BEAST! That would show Azoff's true genius!

Anonymous said...

like phish matter....they have not written 1 song that comes close to sprigsteens worst....nice try at being lester bangs...but that chtick don't work either

Kevin Webb said...

Great Lefsetz impression. I actually think he has some sharp insights with regards to the business. But, when it comes to the culture, his perspective is so severely limited. (BTW - I thought Bruce's set at the Superbowl was great!)

Gabby said...

How can you even consider such a letter without mentioning Kenny G? The world needs him now more than ever.

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